Loss and grief

Within a span of 2 weeks, 2 deaths occurred.

A human and an animal. Both received tears.

But the grieving had started earlier. When the probable signs showed.

Being Buddhist, I understood death to be a part of life.

The Other Half and I had discussed it when we dated. Facing the statistic that females tended to live longer than males, and that we were the same age, there was a high chance that I would eventually be without him. With that in mind, and because we enjoy each other’s company, it is with great sincerity that I tell others, “I won’t be attending your event as I prefer to spend time with the Other Half”.

Death reminds me that our time is finite, and that the less time spent arguing, the more time we have to enjoy the time together.

An old woman once told me that wisdom and compassion are not given to us; they can only be discovered. The experience of discovery means letting go of what we know. When we move through the terrible transformation of the elements of loss and grief, we may discover the truth of the impermanence of everything in our life, and of course, of this very life itself.

In this way, grief and sorrow may teach us gratitude for what we have been given, even the gift of suffering. From her we learn to swim in the stream of universal sorrow. And in that stream, we may even find joy. For this Buddhist, this is the essence of a liberative practice.

A Buddhist Perspective on Grieving” by Roshi Joan Halifax
ᔥ PBS.org

During the funeral, I wondered if I should be crying a lot more, like others, and since I wasn’t, did it mean that I wasn’t as upset?

Then again, as an introvert, I realised that my most private emotions, like grief, happen internally, away from everyone. Writing it here, in a public space, is my form of dealing with the grief.

Of looking at it, understanding it, putting it away and finding peace.

Every now and then, my peace comes from sending metta to them.

Everything takes time

“Go big or go home” is the Other Half’s and my maxim for life.

With that maxim, we say no a lot.

No to many social events – e.g. dinners, weddings, parties etc.

No to consistent gaming – e.g. intensive mobile and computer games

We set up routines and shared calendars, reducing the need to constantly communicate and chances of miscommunication.

This allows us to focus on the things that we want to do.

Spend time with each other, close friends, family and health.

I used to say yes a lot. To be pulled in all directions, get stressed, not deliver well.

We are not perfect. But we encourage each other and work at it.

Everything takes time.

Choose what you want and do it well.

Instagram Is the New Evite

 ᔥ Taylor Lorenz / The Atlantic

Sebastian, an 18-year-old in Los Angeles, says that nearly every big party he’s recently attended had a dedicated Instagram account. Just four years ago, he was still getting Facebook event invites, but now, “I don’t remember the last time a party was on Facebook,” he says.

While Facebook event pages make clear who their organizers are, Instagram party accounts frequently don’t divulge that information. The anonymity of a party page allows for plausible deniability if the account gets discovered by a parent.

Often, the kids who create party accounts are painfully aware of how important it is that the party looks cool. “Some kids will buy followers to make the party look bigger,” says Sebastian. Mass following and unfollowing to pique interest is another common tactic.

Some teenagers whom he was friends with even turned Instagram party marketing into a full-fledged business. If you know someone who is over 18 and can rent out an Airbnb for the night, it’s easy to make a party Instagram account, follow hundreds of kids from local high schools, charge them a few dollars at the door, set up a DJ, and walk away with more than $1,000.

Seriously, gotta love how different sections of the market adapt social media to their use cases.

Reducing Life

The move to Vancouver, Canada was immense. The Other Half and I planned to live there for 5 years, as he planned to do a PhD, and did not know if we would return to Singapore.

So we packed everything (almost). I knew that I had a lot of clothes, but until one has to pack them up, then you realise the sheer quantity of it all. “Like Narnia in my closet”, I joked. The clothes coming out seemed never-ending.

Followed by books and sentimental items. They were all eventually shipped up by sea.

From shopping every month, I soon got used to only buying necessities (e.g. groceries) or winter clothes, which I had none.

Even after moving back to Singapore, I still did not shop for “aesthetic reasons”, as the Other Half calls it. It would be 4 years later before restarting the purchase of clothes – aka wedding dress.

Now, I have became quite adept at saying no to purchasing. Meaning, there is less of a “oh looks nice I want to buy” and more of “nope, no use for it, so no point buying”.

I tell friends to please do not buy things for me or food if they really must buy something.

That Narnia of a wardrobe? It has since been massively reduced, but still contains a heap lot of items. The goal is by mid 2019, to reduce it by half.

To work towards it, I have practiced the Marie Kondo method on Sentimental Items, Books and Komono (miscellaneous). I am reading The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees in order to decisively and intentionally pare down the wardrobe.

The goal will be reached. Hopefully sooner rather than later so the fruits of labour can be enjoyed!

Margot Talks – Dating as a trans person, coming out and what it means to be a woman are just some of the questions answered on the webseries

Shannon Power / GayStarNews

Growing up Margot Fink was the only bi, trans and biracial girl at her tightknit Jewish school in Australia.

When it came to asking questions – let alone finding answers – about gender and sexuality she had nowhere to go.

she was a driving force behind All Of Us, the first government-approved LGBTI teaching resource in Australia.

Fink has worked at the LGBTI youth organization Minus18 and she helped lead the trans youth group YGender. For a long time she also did LGBTI advocacy work with the Victorian Government and Police.

She’s out on a mission to help the world understand gender and identity and her Margot Talks series does just that.

Created entirely by volunteers the Margot Talks hopes to tackle topics like; coming out and transitioning, dating as a trans person, what going on hormones is actually like, making public spaces inclusive, and the different ways religion and cultural diversity can intersect with being LGBTI.


A friend of mine told me that he/she (to protect identity) was trans gender. Unlike Margot, I knew that person prior to the “coming out”. It was easy to accept the change as our interactions were digital (based in different countries). However, after reading a bit more, I realised that there are so many issues that trans people face, that I (and maybe you) take for granted.

So glad that Margot has started sharing information!

One of America’s Greatest Industrial Designers Cites the Plastic Trash Can as his Best Work

Anne Quinto / Quartzy 

But of his countless projects, Harrison is proudest of a humble plastic trash bin…

Diagnosed with dyslexia at an early age, he had great empathy for people with various learning or physical disorders. His quest was to create elegant consumer products that didn’t require elaborate instruction manuals. “Because he was dyslexic, he wanted you to be able to just see how they worked,”

Harrison shot down frills that didn’t improve a product’s functionality.”If it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do or look like what it does, then I frown on it,” he once said. “I don’t think a nutcracker needs to look like an elephant.”

..

In his 2005 monograph, Harrison left a sobering note for designers seeking for purpose. “Your audience is neither history nor fame but a couple who worked hard to buy their first home on a quiet street and would love just one more hour of sleep in the morning, even on trash days.”

Oh hey

Just like the title, this blog has been “reborn”. Impermanence. Changing. Shifting.

Back to the WordPress CMS that I first cut my coding teeth on many many many years ago. Was trying the Ghost CMS for awhile. Really loved the simplicity, but the latest upgrade was just a bit too problematic to handle, coupled with changing hosting vendors.

I could have probably gritted my teeth and pushed through, but I decided that the goal was really to just blog more. Share more information. Keep the flow going. Not mucking around backend.

And just in time for WordPress 5.0. Feels a lot like Squarespace hey?